An Introduction To FRM
An essay on the finical philosophy that is masculinity.
Throughout history being born male and being a man were not one in the same, ‘manhood’ has historically been something ethereal.
Even something ‘revocable’.
It’s a sort of charge, that one can take certain steps and go through a rites of passage to ascertain.
I believe from my experiences that there is a lot of confusion and even animosity regarding this subject.
The main reason for this confusion and anger is there is no clear or definitive one-size fits all response for everyone.
Human’s do really well when things fit comfortably inside a box they can label and not have to think about it ever again.
However with the topic becoming more and more divisive, I’d like to help my readers tackle a few inundating notions of masculinity.
Let’s dissect some anecdotal points about manhood and see if we can extrapolate a cohesive and consistent story.
Historically there have been rites of passage in different cultures;
Vanuatu Land Diving
Mardudjara Aborigines Subincision
Hamar Cow Jumping
Spartan Helot Killing
Satere-Mawe Bullet Ant Glove
Some more modern examples;
or maybe you’ve been sent to get blinker fluid?
My point being that in different cultures, at different points in time different ideals to what a man was or wasn’t were clearly defined.
And while I’m sure not everyone in each culture or society exactly agreed with whatever the social norms were, just look at the contrasting reality over the ‘manbun’.
Articles For them, videos and meme’s against them.
People running around not cutting them off.
Let’s look at a popular meme that is a quote from Chris Rock.
This sentiment and mentality is not new, it’s a part of the idea of the disposable male.
You can find it in examples of anti-feminist articles relating to the treatment of fighters in Ukraine.
In the world of feminism, there exists a split among traditionalist vs new age advocates over the inclusion of Trans Women.
In the western world at least Italy and Sweden are leading the pack with around a third of people identifying as feminists according to Macleans.
It appears however that most people surveyed have a negative view associated with the term.
The deconstruction of what it means to be masculine is not new.
“ As the Greeks saw it, to be a man was to be defined by your ability to exert power in a world articulated through transcendent forces ultimately beyond human control. The apparent futility of this perspective was outweighed by the nobility that came with the struggle”.
Hegemonic masculinity is defined as a practice that legitimizes men’s dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of the common male population and women, and other marginalized ways of being a man.
Conceptually, hegemonic masculinity proposes to explain how and why men maintain dominant social roles over women, and other gender identities, which are perceived as “feminine” in a given society.
Consider how men are viewed in society in the very public assault of
Chris Rock.
Will Smith upon opening up about the incident for the first time, first discussed how he was spit on during the filming of ‘Emancipation’.
“And then he ad-libbed and spit in the middle of my chest. If I had pearls on, I definitely would’ve clutched them”.
Guardian Reporter Tayo says of white people discussing the incident;
White outrage about Will Smith’s slap is rooted in anti-Blackness.
It’s inequality in plain sight
This kind of performative pearl-clutching is reserved for Black men who mess up. It was a bad incident, but the Oscars have seen worse
Psychologists objectify and victim blame;
If you’ve been on the internet long enough, maybe you’ve seen these social experiment videos that display the social dichotomy of social reaction to harassment.
These types of videos are usually a persons first introduction to what modern ‘men’s rights’ groups advocate against.
Perhaps most famously the MGTOW movement is a popular proponent of this narrative.
There are many women who have their own take on men’s rights movements.
Like the Whatever podcast:
Roma Army:
or Marilyn York:
And Cassie Jaye
Who made the RedPill documentary:
These personalities draw on a bigger issue.
Take for example the body positivity movement.
That’s something that disproportionately hasn’t changed much on the men’s side.
Mostly because of casting any men’s right’s activist into a derogatory category to silence or reduce their messages impact.
Considerably the radicals do it themselves by holding misogynist views, in contrast like radical feminists do by holding misandrist views.
Are you aware of the male victims during the #metoo movement.
“I Was Terrified, and I Was Humiliated”.
Perhaps it’s about re-framing your approach altogether.
Consider the view of fathers day in modern society.
Parental Alienation, something critics deem as fake or far-right is another ‘defining it out of existence’ logic trap.
Is a very real form of abuse.
In 2020 I started working with Sheffanessea Brown founder of APAC.
(Against parental alienation Canada)
She is a woman of color living in Canada.
Her husband kidnapped her child and fled to another country without an extradition/custody treaty.
She could personally explain to you the difference between alienation and estrangement.
She started APAC as her personal fight against alienation.
Her story resonated with me.
In 2018 my then ex wife gave birth to our fifth child, she however left me off the birth certificate. I personally learned of how the system was developed to handle female maternity, but not paternity or third gender or even surrogacy cases.
I started a petition; End Gender Bias
With just under 1k supporters.
I then had primary custody until Jan 2019 when I was in a bad accident.
My ex-wife moved during the Covid lock-down in 2020 and I haven’t seen my children since!
In our divorce I made two separate attempts to offer child support in agreement to a divorce but she stonewalled.
Because I so happened to be born male, I have no automatic rights to my children.
Because I so happened to be born white, if I talk to people about PA because of harmful statements by others.
I am labelled.
In 2018 in an attempt to raise awareness about this lack of rights for fathers and social equity for all genders of parents, I started a FRM FB page.
It has grown over the last five years to what currently sits as the largest FRM group on the platform.
It’s actually since forming this group that I’ve become more aware of the broader implications of ‘Men’s Right’s Movements’ in general.
In our Facebook group we don’t allow attacks based off gender or in general.
I have personally removed hundreds of posts of women-bashing content.
I have banned spiteful people because they hold sexist views.
I have personally noticed and witnessed misogynistic and misandrist vitriol, first hand.
These mentalities that people adopt, don’t help them.
And they do not see how it hurts their message.
And that’s their problem.
Regardless, that’s not how I operate personally nor is it something I associate with or condone.
I operate the group like an institution, except I don’t have grants or government funding or institutional backing.
We’ve worked with universities to serve as a group from which to draw subjects for studies of PA, etc.
We’ve worked with companies and organizations to lobby the government and received proclamations, legislative change and we’ve had many individual, local, state and national victories around the word.
Through the work of members and the network and platform.
We are a group of fathers first, and predominately men, yes.
But not only men, and in fact, we’ve had to ban men for bashing the fact we allow women into our group.
I get on average 300+ people joining per week.
From every walk of life.
We welcome everyone.
Not only am I speaking truth to power.
With the help of members of the group, I am giving a voice to the voiceless and a platform to the marginalized.
Chris DeSario for example has helped launch our FRM Podcast.
Part of our Facebook Watch show and programs.
Our third LIVE episode that aired July 9th and ran more than 4hrs;
As guest after guest phoned it, quickly amassing 2.2k views within 24 hrs and more than 1.2k live views.
The entire idea behind this podcast is to allow the most marginalized a platform to speak, but also link them up with the other movements and resources we have made available for members.
We’ve also created materials such as brochures, info graphics and have linked thousands of parents to local resources.
This has allowed me to partner with Coursera.
A premium learning platform that gives single parents regardless of gender, the ability to learn important skills they will need to navigate the court system.
Such as how to fill out court documents, early child development and health and even conflict resolution.
The best part is, they are self-paced and you get a certificate you can bring into court.
Coursera offers online masters degree’s for a fraction of the cost of a traditional program.
And even credited courses from Stanford, Yale, Duke & More.
For much of the course of the movement as a whole, I’ve worked behind the scene’s with many individuals, organizations, across platforms and across boarders to create a cohesive, gender-less decentralized structure to the core of the movement.
Rather than trying to be the loudest voice in the room, I gave others a platform and amplified their message.
I reached across all party lines, genders and backgrounds to build a powerhouse of legislative, grass-roots and reached true collaborative leadership.
In fact, much like the original thought-leaders behind the original FRM/MRA movements, they eventually realized after years of campaigning and studies that it’s actually about human rights.
I introduced My good friend Benjamin to my other good friend Mark.
Together they produced this epic podcast episode!
My good friend Arman and I worked together to better craft his organizations social message regarding discrimination against men in policing.
This issue was recently taken all the way to our nations capital.
I helped my good friend Jake get his book ready for market, he’s a young single father from the UK that broke free from an abusive relationship and won sole custody of his child using information he gained from our group and then he wrote a book about his experience.
Sheffanessea, Mayor Jim Diodati & Advocates & Supporters last week.
In Niagara for the falls turning blue in recognizance of Parental Alienation.
I think that it’s actually a much larger and widespread issue than people may realize, it’s a social issue that carries a lot of social stigma.
In the USA around 460,000 children go missing each year.
In Canada more children are abducted by parents than strangers.
My main point here I want to leave you with, is that advocacy takes many forms and these causes and organizations are really people, and people don’t fit well into boxes and labels and without getting to know people or talking about issues or discussing how you can help each other it actually damages the conversation as a whole.
Finally here are some of my good friends I’d love to introduce you to!
Frances Bradshaw — Senior Advisor
Mark Esquibel — Chairman, Reform Party, Ca
Pat Di Domenico — Resilient Dad
Andrew John Teague — D.A.D.s (dads against double standards)
CG ‘Needs’ — ‘Deadbeat’ Daddy Podcast
Check out our facebook group currently sitting at 67k.
Follow me on: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Threads & Substack
